As a wife, mother, and career woman, I always have a million balls juggling in the air. I feel like I am constantly trying to keep up with all of the demands that require me to wear three hats. There are times that I feel like I am not hitting the mark. I often chastise myself the most about how to be the best mother to my son. I carry guilt for the times I am working and can’t be there or just for going out for free time. Recently, I went through a two-day struggle where the enemy pointed out everything that I felt like was wrong with myself as a parent. He gave me all of the “if you had done this then this would be different” scenarios, and for a day I gave into the temptation of feeling like less than a sufficient mother.

Every morning before I leave home in the wee hours, I put my hand on my son’s head, and I pray for him. I pray that he has a good day, that God continues to strengthen his body and develop his mind. This particular morning as I was praying for him I looked up at the wall and saw his name “Jeremiah-Mark” and at that moment the spirit spoke to me and said, “Remember his name.” the Jeremiah, in the name Jeremiah-Mark, comes from the scripture Jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

What God simply reminded me was that he was in control. He knew JM before I did everything would work out the way he planned. This message comforted me in so many ways but also released the guilt of feeling like I wasn’t doing enough or being enough for my son. The truth of the matter is I can never do enough or be enough to deserve the blessing God granted me when he gave me my son and everything my son needs, God has already granted in his plan if I trust and submit to him.

This is the word for some of you that are struggling with the direction of your life, the choices you made in the past, or even like me wearing too many hats. But God is reminding you today to remember your name. Remember that he knew you before you were a twinkle in your mother’s eye. He has already ordered your steps if you would submit to his will and follow him. There will be times we will stumble and not hit the mark but always remember that Gods is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent and will continue to see you through if you will only surrender to him.

Remember the power of God,

Felicia Smith

I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness and what it means. I mean we read bible stories and what the Bible commands but what does that look like? What does it mean to love unconditionally? During my time of reflection, I remembered my grandmother and her story of forgiveness. I may have been a pre-teen or younger, but I remember a family member close to my grandma saying things about her at a critical time in her life that was not true. They did everything short of disowning my grandma. I could tell that it hurt her. My Grandma was a kind spirit that didn’t raise her voice very much or show lots of sign of anger. But even being young I could tell that it hurt her deeply. For sure I thought oh no this person is going down! They will no longer be invited to Sunday dinners or just to laugh and joke with the family. They will be done! But instead of holding on to that pain, my grandma walked in true forgiveness and had an unconditional love you often only read about in the bible. The family member still came to the house, and my grandma received them with love and food! She never spoke of the wrongdoing; she never scowled her face or treated that person differently. She loved them in spite of. As I thought back on this situation, I realized that she was the epitome of unconditional love and forgiveness. See, my Grandma saw the heart of people and look past the hurt in people that would make them be less than perfect. She saw people with her God eyes. How powerful is that? She exhibited a kind of forgiveness and love that is a diamond in the rough.
There is strength in forgiveness and seeing the heart of a person and not the hurt of a person. Now, this is not an easy task, but I know if my grandmother was here today, she would say “Licia just pray and put it in God’s hand.”

Sisters I wanted to share with you a message that God wanted me to give to you. He wanted me to tell you that you are on his mind. He is thinking about you. He has planned your next steps if only you will surrender your will for his. He wants you to know that even when you are not sure where you are going he knows. He will order your steps if you will only surrender to him.

I am excited about this message because in a world where we are sisters, mothers, wives, and bosses looking out for everyone else it is so good to know that we are God’s priority and he wants us to know how much he cares for us.

So spend the rest of the day smiling knowing that God is thinking about you, loves you and is smiling on  you.

I want to start off this week’s post by saying thank you! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog post.  Thank you for commenting and letting me know that you can relate. When I started this blog, it was for me to share the issues of my heart in hopes that I could help one woman along the way.  It is my ministry and what makes my heart smile.  So thank you for being a part of my journey.

I have weekly conversations with my cousin who I see as a brother, and we talk about everything.  I mean everything!  But what we often do is reflect upon the lessons that life has taught us and what we learned.  This week we talked about how all of our experiences—good, bad or indifferent, defines us.  Sometimes we try to hide or forget about parts of our journey because of the pain it caused.  I’ve even heard people say the experience or that person that caused the hurt is dead to them.  Those are lies we tell ourselves to mask the pain. However, to heal, learn, and grow, we have to accept the experience.  Accept the part that hurt and search inside for lessons that it has taught you and forgive yourself and the person that hurt you.  No matter that experience, it becomes a part of you and who you have become.  You can only love and accept the total you when acknowledging the places of hurt and darkness and grow from them because those are the parts of the sum that make up you.

Looking at the parts

Felicia Smith

If you read my last blog you will understand when I say I am in a Saturday season of my life. I can’t go back and I don’t know what’s ahead so I have to live in this moment good, bad or indifferent. I have been through a lot the last year and half and it is not short of a miracle that I made it out. Most days I find myself reflecting. Reflecting on the journey and the purpose. What am I supposed to be learning? And the most important question why God called me for this journey. This morning I woke up heavy and tired and I pick up my devotional at work Jesus is Calling by Sarah Young and these words touch my spirit in a deep way.

You are on the path of my choosing.

In those short eight words God reminded me that he is still with me. He reminded that although I can’t see it resurrection day is coming. The revival of something great and amazing that I cannot comprehend. But for today, my Saturday season, I have to keep pressing and remember that I am on the path that he chose for me and it will work out for the good.

It’s almost Resurrection Day,

Felicia Smith

Yesterday we closed out another resurrection weekend and holy week. It’s amazing that the story of the resurrection of Christ never gets old. I would even suggest that every year we get something new from the story. This year through some devotional readings I begun to think about Saturday. Saturday is the day between Christ death and the day he arose. I reflected on what that day must have been like for his followers and disciples. They had just loss the man they thought came to save them. The man they believed could never be destroyed. How could the son of God be killed? It didn’t make sense. I’m sure that in that moment, they even questioned their faith and why they would follow someone that would allow himself to be killed. Needless to say, Saturday (or the day before the resurrection) was a hard day. They were in the in-between. They couldn’t go back but they also were having a hard time moving forward.

This story hit because it is so close to our daily lives and our relationships with God. When you find yourself in a place of despair or you hit a rough patch, you will go through similar emotions. You can’t go back and change what happened but you can’t see the end in front of you. How do you move on? You remind yourself that you are in the in-between. When you are in the in-between the only thing left to do is to keep believing, moving and trusting. Because although the disciples were in despair on Saturday, on Sunday, they learned that all was not lost and that Jesus still sits on the throne and he worked it out for our good. So as you stand in the storm or uncomfortable situation, just remember that all is not lost and that Jesus is on the other end working it out for your good. Everything will work out for the good if only you believe.

I don’t have an in-depth and lengthy post this morning. I started writing one, and God reminded me of what has been on my heart for months. Offense and Forgiveness. Being offended by your brothers and sisters will put you in a dark place of unforgiveness. Of course, we will justify why we won’t forgive by keeping the list of things that the person or persons have done that makes them deserving of the cold shoulder and sometimes harsh words. However, remember two things. One, the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy and one of his go-to weapons is offense. He knows that if he can make you offended he can destroy families, friendships and tear down any relationships you have built. Be vigilant my sisters and when you are feeling offended and ready to turn your back on your sister and brother, please go to God in prayer and ask him to reveal the issues of your heart and help you to mend the broken pieces.

Forgiveness is sometimes viewed as a weakness, but I declare it has been one of the most powerful tools in my life. I have had some deep wounds that made me feel like I could never forgive, but through prayer and some amazing books I removed the offense and forgave them. I didn’t have to go to the person and have a conversation or rehash everything, but in my heart, I released them from the bondage of owing me anything. The day I released the offense, I was able to walk up to the person, smile, and hug them in love. Remembering what had happened in the past made me feel amazing because Satan had lost power over me and I was finally free!

Forgiveness and Offense are not always as simple as the paragraphs above. When I needed to forgive I sought after it with all of my heart because I knew it was the key to becoming a better me. There are two books that I would highly recommend. Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley and The Bait of Satan by John Revere. I want to help heal the offense in each of our hearts, not for the offender but the freedom from the enemy. My prayer this morning is that you would open the issues of your heart and ask God what you need to remove the offense and forgive.

Thanks for listening to the issues of my heart.

Felicia Smith

Hey ladies it’s been a while, but my plan is to blog more often and share what God has placed in my spirit.  It’s been a week of deep reflection. My son turns one-year-old this Saturday and I am so excited! As some of you know, my son was born premature at 27 weeks weighing 2lbs and 4ozs. I was just looking through my drawers and I saw his first preemie diaper and it blew my mind. Some people will say as time goes on the memory of your NICU days will fade away, but that hasn’t been the case for me. I remember those days like they were yesterday and to be honest, I don’t want to ever forget them because they have shaped me and my marriage to this amazing place it is right now. My son didn’t have it easy. He had to fight to live every day. He went through three operations and to the operating room five times. He had a premature sickness that 50-70% of the children die from, but Jeremiah-Mark was determined to be the 30%. I am amazed by him and his strength and how no matter the challenges, he was determined to bounce back. 228 days in the NICU and every day he exceeded expectations. He’s really my hero!

But as I look back on those 228 days, I am reminded of my spiritual journey. I prayed and prayed and it was the greatest test of my faith. There were days when I prayed, worried, and questioned my faith. I knew what God had told me, but standing on that word and living it was difficult when you witness the life leaving your baby over and over again! What was amazing was I would share with my husband what God told me and how all I had left was to believe in his word. But man, the moment I told him that, the devil attacked me because he wanted me to give up on God. I remembered when my sons had to be resuscitated daily for about 7 days. On day three I broke. Everything in me was angry and wanted to give up. I no longer wanted to pray or even knew how to pray because my heart felt like it was in pieces. I was weak and in my mind, this was the last straw. As I looked into my husband’s eyes I told him I couldn’t take anymore.  I was weak and I couldn’t pray. He looked at me and he reminded me of everything God told me and how God was going to deliver our son. He prayed when I couldn’t pray. This will always be a defining moment of my life and our married. My husband is not super spiritual but he stood in agreement on what God told me and the moment that I began to doubt the Lord, he reminded me of who God was and what he told me. I look back on the times I prayed and ask God for a husband or a companion and I remember one night in particular when I told God I needed a best friend that I can go through and share who wouldn’t judge me, but love me in my weakest moments and God honored that pray. How I met my husband wasn’t the way I thought and the birth of my son wasn’t the way I imagined but both turned out to be the most amazing works of God.

So, as you can see I’m in deep thought and in a mode of gratefulness because I know that God is faithful! So I encourage you, my sisters, to open your heart to God and tell him your deepest desires but also be prepared for it not to look the way you think or go the way you plan. But just trust in him and it will be worth the journey!

He continues to blow my mind!

I want it, and I want it now. That has been my life’s motto. I would do whatever it took in my power to get it done and quickly. I believed why put off for tomorrow what you can do today. So I pushed! I pushed myself and everyone around me to push the limits and boundaries. Then my son was born and that motto didn’t work anymore. Pushing him to hard sometimes cause him to move backward. My son taught me that sometimes you can’t push. Sometimes just making one step, no matter how small, in the right direction is all you need. I also learned that sometimes you have to be still and let God move. This has been very difficult, because if I can make fix it, I will. But with my son’s situation, I can’t. He is receiving the best care possible, and I have to let him take his time and get better each day. He has been my greatest test of patience. Somedays I win, somedays I lose, but I am still in the fight and patiently waiting.

Learning Patience,

Felicia Smith

When Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, many were nervous and questioned whether they would survive the journey to the promise land. The Israelites complained about not having food to eat or what they called Manna—bread from heaven. When Moses went to God on their behalf, he told God about the Israelites complaints. God told Moses that he would send down Manna daily from heaven to provide them with food to eat. Imagine not having to go to the grocery store or work because God rain down the food you needed daily. How amazing would that be?

God may not rain down Manna from the sky daily, but he is still providing Manna. What I call modern day manna. When I started this journey, I never had to worry about the day- to-day things of life. God provided me with an awesome job! A job I don’t have to worry about losing because I’m going through this life event. God also provided financially. He provided us with excellent insurance coverage that as the medical bills begin to roll in, I didn’t have to worry about paying them because my insurance covered 98% of them. He provided me a beautiful home life that after I spend sometimes 10 hours or more at the hospital, I can relax in peace.

God provides modern day manna to me everyday. Sometimes you have so much going on that you can’t recognize what God is providing to you. The things you don’t have to worry about, the bills that you are able to pay, the job you have, and the car you drive is modern day manna. Know that even when you can’t see it, or it doesn’t look like a big deal, God is still providing, making ways, and clearing paths so that you can receive manna from on high.

Living on Manna,

Felicia Smith